Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Randomize
