This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Just high enough for therapy.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
