Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
