you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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