Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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