when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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