Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
