Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
