don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
