a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Randomize
