It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
