A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
