Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
