im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
