tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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