Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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