i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Well I just put wine in my tea
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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