It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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