she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
he was CRYING into my vagina
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
