I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
