So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i love accidental penises.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
