Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
