Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
