God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
