So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
