So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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