Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
