How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
