You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
