i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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