He asked me if I "almost moaned"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
