what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
