I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
