she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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