I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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