For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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