What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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