My sheets look like a crime scene.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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