OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
