So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
