dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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