Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
