I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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