I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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