Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
