I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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