my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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