I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
