like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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