I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
