We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
