is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
