also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
