Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
