It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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