I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
