girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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