i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
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he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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