i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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