what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
