Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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