I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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