he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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