grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
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