so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
