erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
