So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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