Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
