Your dad touched me again.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
