Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
