I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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